Alix in Wonderland

I am emotionally and physically exhausted. This past month has been hard. Between starting injections, fighting off a relapse (or whatever this is), trying to manage pain, working through anxiety issues, death in the family and the political unrest and instability that our sentient Cheeto of a president is encouraging… let’s just say it has been a rough month or so.

I wasn’t going to write a post today because I was feeling so down. I had a bad injection this morning that caused some swelling and much more discomfort than usual.

IMG-0193
Swelling from injection 😦

Mom, don’t worry, I sent a pic to my doctor and he said it was most likely just not injected deep enough! But if it happens again we may need to rethink Glartiramer Acetate…I feel like when I have a bad injection day it just kind of starts my day off shitty.

I’m not a betting gal, but I would put money down that anyone who has to stab themselves and inject a foreign substance into their body for their immune system to attack would probably describe the experience using a similar vernacular.

I’ve been extremely fatigued this past week or so. I didn’t think my fatigue could increase more from where it was at, but my body never ceases to prove me wrong. I feel down about myself because I have been so weak, and so tired. I have a pretty strong sense of self, but I can’t help but feel bad about myself when all I can do is sleep 15 hours a day and still need at least one nap to keep me going for the few hours I am awake.

It’s frustrating to watch my life pass by and to be too tired, or sick, or anxious to be able to actively participate in it.

I didn’t want to write this post because I try to be positive and I knew I didn’t have much positivity in me today. But then I talked to my therapist and she reminded me that this is my truth. People need to know that not every day is full of positivity and success and joy. Some days are hard. Some days you cry. Some days you hurt. And that is ok. That is human.

I know I am a strong woman. I wouldn’t be able to fight this fight if I wasn’t, but that doesn’t mean that I am not allowed to have my weak moments. No matter how strong we are, we all have days that knock us to our knees. What matters most is that we get back up again. It’s ok if we stay down on our knees for a little while, it’s ok to be sad and frustrated sometimes. I know that things will get better.

I hope that wherever you are on your journey today that you are able to find strength and remember that even at the end of the longest and darkest of nights the sun will always rise in the morning.

-A

8 Replies to “Exhausted is an Understatement”

  1. I am so sorry this month has been so difficult for you. I know starting medication is never all that easy, but you will in time get use to the injections. I am really sorry you had a death in the family, my thoughts are with you during this difficult time. It is never easy losing a family member. As for the political unrest, that is my major source of anxiety and it seems never ending!! I am so tired of all the political drama and hatred. I wish those causing it would just take a break, maybe go on a month long golf trip:)! I hope the rest of this week gets much better for you!!!

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Hi Alix, you are so right on 2 points in particular: it’s good to journal when you’re down and things have blown up in your life, so to speak, as well as when things are going well. You are so loved and if I can help in any way, please call me…I’m always here for you sweet girl. The 2nd point you are so right on is that you are strong and can handle this damn MS! I treated many MS patients when I was practicing Speech Language Pathology… and the one common thing, among a few others, that I remember was that those patients who excelled in living a more normal and happy life, did so because they were strong and they fought back at every turn! I’m in your corner Alix, so anytime you want or need a little help to “kick this MS sucker to the curb”, don’t hesitate to call or text me!! I believe in you and am so proud of you!
    Always here for you,
    Aunt Kathy🤟

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Hang in there girl! It’s hard to read about your bad days but it IS reality and you need to share the good and the bad. We are here for you! Never feel you need to hold anything back from me. If I can lighten the load a little, even it’s just by being a sounding board that is what I want to do! Momma loves you!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Wow, thank you so much for sharing your story with me! It’s so inspiring and conforming to hear stories like yours and your brother’s and to know we are not alone! I hope you are feeling well today 💕

    Like

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