Alix in Wonderland

TO SLEEP, OR NOT TO SLEEP? That is the freaking question!

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Well, I have woken up to another day that I accidentally slept away the majority of. I always feel a mixture of guilt and embarrassment when this happens.

I usually wake up around 5:30am or 6:00am every morning with my dog. We get up, go outside, eat breakfast, and watch a TV show or two. I give myself my Glatiramer Acetate injection and take my meds. It’s a nice relaxing morning routine we are having. The issue is, without fail, by 10am I am so fatigued and exhausted that I can barely keep my eyes open. So I end up taking a nap around that time most days. I try to keep it in the 1-2 hour range so that I don’t sleep too much and disrupt my sleep pattern.

Anyone with insomnia knows how delicate those patterns can be; nap just a little too long, drink one caffeinated drink too many and  BAM! HELLO 3am and wide awake!

I have almost completely cut coffee out of my diet. Originally it was in hopes of combatting my insomnia. But lately I have been thinking about maybe starting to drink one or two cups in the morning just to try to combat that peak in fatigue each day. Does anyone have any tips for fatigue? What have you found to be helpful? I’d love to hear any advice/input!

I didn’t sleep well last night. I had insomnia and laid in bed for about 4 hours before I  worked myself into an anxiety attack, took a Xanax and finally passed out. Lovely, isn’t it. But naturally I still woke up at 7am. By the time 9am rolled around I was falling asleep on the couch…until 3pm…

These sleep problems are tough to figure out. I know that my body does need quite a bit of extra rest due to my Multiple Sclerosis. I also know that severe fatigue is one of my most significant issues relating to MS. It’s hard because part of me says “Don’t let the fatigue control you! Don’t sleep away your life!” and the other part is saying “For the love of god woman, take the freaking nap so we can at least function for the last half of our day!” Usually team nap wins.

One of my worries I’ve developed since I got sick has been that people will think I am lazy. It is so hard to explain this kind of fatigue to those who have never suffered from it. It’s so different from feeling tired or sleepy.

It’s ten-ton bones, muscles made out of silly putty, weights hooked to my eyelids, sick to my stomach, mind consuming, room spinning, body shaking exhaustion.

So on these days when my body takes over I try not to let myself feel too guilty about it. Obviously my body needed the rest, or it would not have slept for that long! I try not to worry that I did something wrong. Even on the days when I am doing nothing I am actually doing something huge. I am fighting a disease. I am surviving a chronic illness.

So yes, I may need to rest more than the average human from time to time. Yes, I am an adult who has regular (and scheduled) naps and yes, even though I am only 25 sometimes I have to miss out on fun stuff because my body physically just can’t do it that day. But that is ok!

I am also a warrior! I am also fighting my own immune system every single day! I am strong, even on my weak days!

-A

6 Replies to “TO SLEEP, OR NOT TO SLEEP? That is the freaking question!”

  1. Insomnia is a horrible thing that I have been battling for a while now. I do not know what is worse fight against my own immune system or insomnia as they are both difficult! You are completely right, it is okay to miss some things that may be fun because our health is SO important! I am almost 37, but normally feel close to 70 because I am always so fatigue and in pain, but it is just the life I have to lead. You are definitely a warrior with so much strength! I hope you have a pleasant evening and I hope your week starts off great!!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. You too are a warrior! I have said it before, but your blog is SO inspiring to me! Insomnia and auto immune are not a fun pair. But we are strong women! Like you said, it’s the lives we have to lead. Now we just have to make the best out of each and every day!

      Liked by 2 people

  2. I so wish I had some amazing advice to give you………but my only thought would be if you consume caffeine do it before noon. I do drink green tea and usually consume it in the morning. You are a warrior my dear and you should be very proud of handling all that life has thrown at you!

    Liked by 1 person

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