This morning I woke up for the fourth day in a row with limited (VERY limited/borderline no) feeling in my right leg. I’ve also been having increased tingling in my right foot, and some weird hearing issues. And lastly, muscle spasms and tremors in my right leg. In the past I have had issues with my right leg losing feeling, but it came back after two rounds of steroid infusion therapy.
I know that this could just be a pseudo relapse due to stress (seeing as most of the symptoms are in a leg that has had issues before makes me think this is likely?) but it scares me nonetheless. It still means that something is wrong. It means that inside my brain there are parts that are dying, being eaten away at by my own immune system.
I have reached out to my neurologist and I am waiting to hear back about what he wants to do about this flare of symptoms.
Today has been a rough day. It’s so hard to explain what it feels like to know there is something wrong inside of you.
It’s so hard to trust your own body and listen to the strange sensations we feel with MS when there are people around you suggesting that it is “just your anxiety” or all in your head. I am still learning how to trust my body, something that is SO important with a disease like MS. God, it’s still weird to say sometimes, disease.
I am the one living in this body, I am the one who knows when something doesn’t feel right. I have lived long enough with anxiety to know when it is wreaking havoc in my body..and when it is not. When it is something else. So I need to trust what I know.
It sucks to have to miss out on things and have to stay inside and rest when my heart and mind still want to be out having adventures. It is unsettling to have a mind and body that are on completely different pages sometimes. I am not choosing to be sick. I am still learning how to accept that some things, like having this disease, are out of my control.
If any of you have someone who is struggling, who is sick, or who just are having a rough day today, give them a hug. Or shoot them a text reminding them they are a badass mother****** and that you love them! We all can use a little pick me up some days.
“Without a little lift, the ballerina falls.” – Next To Normal
So this is for you, yes YOU. The anxious ones, the sick ones, the overworked ones, the black sheep, the depressed ones, the frightened ones, the lonely ones. YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL. YOU ARE STRONG. YOU ARE EXACTLY WHERE YOU ARE MEANT TO BE 💕 Keep on that fight, you courageous warriors!!
With a heart full of hope – A